She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
