just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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