i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
