1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
