Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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