At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please come you make the beer taste better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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