nutella sex= disaster
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
