When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
