I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
