This is not my ceiling
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
