YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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