watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
