why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
