The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
