you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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