So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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