Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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