clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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