Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
