Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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