having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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