I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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