I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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