I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
