forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish i was in the wii world.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
