Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
