i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
