Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
