haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
