you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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