I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
