the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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