i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this boner is exhausting
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
