mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This is my gift to your gina
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
