meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
