Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
