Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
