I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
