she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
