So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
