one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
