I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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