she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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