The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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