I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
