A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
