I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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