We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
