You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
