this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
