I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
