Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
