Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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