Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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